For the most part this reads very visually and I think you've turned things around nicely and I can see this raising a chuckle or two by the time we get to end. Only thing I wasn't sure about was the use of the matches at the end and the inference being that the lights needed replacing. I think you can keep the room shadowy and 'horror lighting' style, and have all the noise of the guy getting something ready off-screen; we hear him striking a match and the whoomph sound of something igniting, as he's lighting what we'll ultimately presume to be somekind of big melting pot or whatever. You can show the fire light on the faces of the celebrities - lots of menace and torture associations here etc. I do think you could give your character a few more lines of dialogue that might bring out some of 'fickle celebrity' theme - so he could also say at some point 'Sorry, but your time is up' or 'No one is going to miss you' etc. Anyway, good job - but in terms of character design, you've got a subtle job for the waxworks - you've got to emulate celebrities we know without them being the celebrities we know - so Elvis-ness, but not 'Elvis' etc.
The thing with the lights being replaced is the lights in the room are going to be on, but they're going to be dim, which I feel is going to help add to the eeriness of the final act.
And thank you for the suggestion ofhaving the fire light up the celebrities' faces, I didn't think to include that and it'll definitely help add to the horror-like undertones and aspects of the piece.
I'll be sure to give the man some more lines of dialogue, and I'll get working on designing the "knockoff" celebrities!
OGR 23/01/17
ReplyDeleteHey Joe,
For the most part this reads very visually and I think you've turned things around nicely and I can see this raising a chuckle or two by the time we get to end. Only thing I wasn't sure about was the use of the matches at the end and the inference being that the lights needed replacing. I think you can keep the room shadowy and 'horror lighting' style, and have all the noise of the guy getting something ready off-screen; we hear him striking a match and the whoomph sound of something igniting, as he's lighting what we'll ultimately presume to be somekind of big melting pot or whatever. You can show the fire light on the faces of the celebrities - lots of menace and torture associations here etc. I do think you could give your character a few more lines of dialogue that might bring out some of 'fickle celebrity' theme - so he could also say at some point 'Sorry, but your time is up' or 'No one is going to miss you' etc. Anyway, good job - but in terms of character design, you've got a subtle job for the waxworks - you've got to emulate celebrities we know without them being the celebrities we know - so Elvis-ness, but not 'Elvis' etc.
Hi Phil,
DeleteThe thing with the lights being replaced is the lights in the room are going to be on, but they're going to be dim, which I feel is going to help add to the eeriness of the final act.
And thank you for the suggestion ofhaving the fire light up the celebrities' faces, I didn't think to include that and it'll definitely help add to the horror-like undertones and aspects of the piece.
I'll be sure to give the man some more lines of dialogue, and I'll get working on designing the "knockoff" celebrities!